thinking of the future

I will be 19 dis October. Next year I will be 20.. I cant imagine my life as a 20 year old girl. I'm still not matured yet. I have not enough life experiences to guide me through my journey. Why I said all this because a friend of my cousin had married last month. For your info, that girl is just 20 years old. My cousin is a year older than me. Wow, I was amazed at how fast she transformed to a new phase of her life, I mean from a bachelor to a wife in her 20. If it was me, I surely would not be ready. I believe our life has three phases. Firstly is the single phase which means playing time, then as a wife then lastly as a mother.you just need to be super-duper ready to enter the new phase of life. As for me, I'm still in the first phase and I'm not ready to enter the second phase. I dont know when I will but someday I will be ready.

Next year, a lot of things will change. I cannot write my age starting with number 1 anymore. people also will look at me as an 'adult'. I still cannot accept that I'm turning to 20..huhu..
I dont want to grow!! Growing is fun especially when we can learn more things and find more friends. However, growing also terrifies me. There will be more challenges for me in the future. there will be more unexpected things will occur. I am a little bit afraid to go through all this 'dugaan dan cabaran' . But, when I think about this, deep inside my heart, it tells me something.

"Whatever it is, I have to go through my life. I cannot run from any problems. I must face it. And I'm taking every single things happened to me as a lesson. Who knows it might be beneficial in the future. I must do what people call anjakan paradigma. (Sorry, I dont know its meaning in English =p) "

Phew! since when I like to think far??.. (",)